The People I Meet When I Travel: The King of Bahrain

OK, so that's a lie, I didn't actually meet the king of Bahrain.

I did, however, become wildly inebriated within fifty feet of him.

I did not know he was there.

I was waiting for him to arrive, and my buddies were late pointing out that I'd missed him coming in.

Basically, I popped down to the hotel lobby because there was a lot of noise in front of the hotel. I was with two of the military intel people that help me pass the time, so I figured, "what the hell, let's see what this is all about".

There was quite an entourage. Security people kept wandering in, slowly. Some were dressed like tourists, except for their funny earpieces. Others had their suits. As more of these folks began to arrive, the lobby bar slowly cleared out, until only myself and my two pals were left. I actually missed his entrance because I went to the little boy's room.

If we were expected to leave, nobody said anything. Some security people just sat down next to us at the bar. I hope these people understood English, cause it would be nice to think that someone from the king's crew could follow our jibes.

Everyone comes from a birth canal, and each of those is pretty special, in its own right. So, I'm not about to regard someone who came from a 'royal' birth canal as particularly unique. Certainly, I'm not about to give any person absolute power on the basis that the birth canal from whence they were delivered is superior to those of other mortals.

In the case of King Hamad ibn Isa al-Khalifah, he was actually the emir of Bahrain, up until he changed his title to king. So much for divine right. Abandoning one's own ridiculous absolutist customs for those of the European middle-ages may, at first glance, seem desirable. Let's be honest though, everybody can see through what you're doing, and they still think you're a dick for it.

The ceremony with which the king departed the lobby drove the point home, for me. Everybody in the lobby stood (that is, everybody except me and the remaining intel guy). There were two rows of dignitaries, military men, and security, through which the king proceeded, on his way down to the hotel club. I couldn't see him until he was very close, and learning why had a pronounced effect on my reaction.

When I saw that the king comes up to about my shoulder, and has a striking resemblance to Ron Jeremy, well, I choked on my beer and began coughing... loudly.